My Guide to Self-Help

In a perfect world, our mood, emotion and anxiety would be something we could all control. Unfortunately, it’s not so easy for everyone. I used to believe that the world was a cruel and dark place. That everyone was better than me and that I had no-one, no future and no hope for happiness.

Fellow sufferers, I’m here to tell you that there is indeed hope. Sometimes, we have to take baby steps to help ourselves, because not everyone out there will understand what you’re going through. Before I start, I want to make it clear that I am by no means an expert (nor do I claim to be). I simply wish to share my experiences and certain methods that have worked for me personally, in the hope that it may also help someone else.

So let me share with you the little things that did a great deal for me during my most difficult times and ultimately allowed me to help myself.

Acceptance

Acceptance is the first step to recovery. By acknowledging that you feel a certain way, you can then go about things you can do to feel better. For me, anxiety was a defence mechanism that spiralled out of control - a way to protect myself from getting hurt after several incidents which caused me to become emotionally wounded

Your body and mind is ready, prepared for something to happen. Accept that you feel like this and accept that some of the feelings and thoughts may be irrational or unreasonable. By doing this, you may be able to free yourself from the vicious cycle that adds to your anxiety.

Control Your Breathing

This is the most effective thing that controlled my physical symptoms. When you’re anxious, you may find yourself breathing rapidly. It’s very important to remember to take slow, deep breaths from your nose, into your diaphragm (filling your lungs) and exhale slowly and fully. Really focus on your breathing and learn to control it.

It helps to sit in a a quiet place, with one hand placed on your chest and the other on your stomach to feel whether or not you are breathing fully and evenly. It took me several attempts to do this, but keep practising and you’ll get there.

Avoid Caffeine

Being the tea lover that I am, this can be difficult. As some of us know too well, trying to sleep can be very challenging and the last thing you want is to have something which can make it more difficult to fall asleep. Caffeine may also increase feelings of anxiety, which definitely is NOT ideal. Avoid caffeinated fizzy drinks too, such as Coke, Red Bull etc.

However, a nice hot drink can be relaxing, so try decaf tea/coffee or warm milk instead, which can help your chances of having a good night’s sleep. My personal favourites are peppermint tea and camomile tea which have a nice, soothing aroma and delicate taste.

Read

A book that I definitely recommend is “The Perks of Being a Wallflower’ by Stephen Chbosky. Charlie, the main character, writes letters to an anonymous reader, which I felt I could personally relate to. In fact, I found myself being able to relate to a lot of Charlie’s thoughts and situations. I felt somewhat normal, like I wasn’t alone and it gave me hope. Let me share with you my favourite quote that lifted my spirit.

"So, I guess we are who we are for a lot of reasons. And maybe we'll never know most of them. But even if we don't have the power to choose where we come from, we can still choose where we go from there. We can still do things. And we can try to feel okay about them.”

Books have the ability to take us elsewhere. It has the ability to make us forget our troubles for a while, teach us a great deal of things, empower, inspire and comfort us. Invest your time in a good book and let it take you away from your thoughts.

Refocus Your Attention

As difficult as it may be, divert your focus and try to take your mind off things. I was advised by my doctor to avoid situations which may trigger anxiety outbursts, but in reality this is sometimes inevitable and highly unrealistic. So from my experience, my advice would be to redirect your attention onto other things such as:

Tidy your room

Creating a tidy, organised environment around you can help you feel calmer and more relaxed.

Watch a movie

Some of my personal favourites when I’m feeling particularly blue are:

Life of Pi
How to be Single
It’s Kind of a Funny Story
The Devil Wears Prada
Up
Bridesmaids
Marley and Me
Queen (Bollywood)
Dumbo

The reason I enjoy these movies in particular when I’m feeling depressed and anxious are because they either have a character I can relate to and/or in their own way, they remind me of me of some valuable life lessons that I should remember more often.

Express Yourself

Whether this is painting, writing, making music etc. Do it. Express your feelings in alternative ways. Write a poem or a song, start a blog. Find a creative way of releasing your thoughts. Personally, I found comfort in writing. It can be surprisingly therapeutic to pour your feelings out and let them out of your mind. After years of privately jotting down my thoughts, I like to read back on it to remind myself that things will get better and to remind myself of who I once was.

Make a List

Make a list of things you’re grateful for, things that you’ve accomplished, things that you want to do in the future, things that make you happy. Physically seeing a list of things in front of you can put into perspective all the good things that you have in your life and can help to contain your inner chaos.

Care for a Plant

Dr John, my counsellor, suggested that I grow a plant, so I opted for a small Bonsai tree. I chose this because of a quote I came across in the past, which I found somewhat relevant and ironic.

“Our brains are like bonsai trees, growing around our private versions of reality” - Sloane Crosley.

As skeptical as I was, this provided me with a sense of accomplishment and a more peaceful, elevated mood. Simple tasks, such as caring for a plant can leave you with a sense of achievement and productivity.

Pet an Animal

I love animals, sometimes more than people. People can be judgemental, unlike animals. If you love them, they will love you unconditionally, whether you’re an emotional wreck or not. Stroking or petting an animal can lower your blood pressure and emotional stress. Focusing on a pet or taking care of it can be a good way to distract yourself and obtain companionship.

Aromatherapy

Fragrant essential oils or scented candles can create a soothing atmosphere and aroma which can help with relaxation and mood. Find a scent that you like and try unwinding and relaxing with a warm bath. I like to put salts in the water, which supposedly lowers blood pressure and calms anxiety, as does the increase in body heat. My personal favourites are sandalwood and jasmine, simply because they remind me of home. Explore and discover different scents until you find one that you enjoy.

Talk to Other Anxiety Sufferers

You’re not alone. There are many people out there who suffer from anxiety and talking to someone in the same boat as you can be very comforting. There are support groups available for this, or if you prefer to remain anonymous, you can communicate to (or simply read about) people online with similar experiences. You’ll be surprised how many there really are.

Seek Professional Help

“Happiness is a choice”. No. This isn’t always the case and for someone who’s content, this is a very easy thing to say.

Sometimes, there may be a clinical explanation for why you’re feeling the way you are. Deficiencies, thyroid problems and hormone imbalances may contribute to feelings of anxiety and/or depression so it’s important to consult to a health professional to get the appropriate treatment or advice you need.

Everybody deserves happiness. Sometimes, some things can get out of our hands and may be too difficult to manage ourselves. Seeking help from a therapist of counsellor can allow you to pinpoint the reasons behind the anxiety and learn techniques to control and manage it effectively.

Remember That There’s Always Hope

There is ALWAYS hope. Things will get better. Remind yourself of all the good things in your life and what you have to look forward to. The lows are just a point in your life, as are the highs. Some days, you may have to try extra hard but every day brings new possibilities and a new beginning.

Whether you visit a counsellor or a therapist or not, at the end of the day, it’s down to you to push yourself just that little bit harder and say “I am more than this. I deserve to be happy”. Looking back now, I know that despite what anyone else had to say to me, it was all empty, meaningless words. And theres a possibility that you, reading this, may be thinking the same.

I’ve always been a believer of “everything happens for a reason”. This very belief is what gave me courage and hope for the future. Everything might not make sense right now, but maybe, theres a reason behind it. Whether it’s to make you gain perspective, or whether it’s to make you to take a step back and look at the bigger picture, everything will eventually fall into place.

When you don’t even remember who you were anymore, remember that this phase too will end. During your darkest days, look for the light. You are more than your anxiety. It is not a part of who you are. You will come out a stronger person than you were to begin with and you will be proud of yourself that you managed to overcome something so cruel and so disheartening.

Always remember, you are not alone and you will make it through this. When I was 5 years old, I was given some valuable words of encouragement from an animated friend, which I will share with you, my readers, in the hope that it will remain with you as it did with me.

“You are stronger than you seem,

braver than you believe

and smarter than you think”.

-Winnie the Pooh

Wishing you all the happiness in the world,

Your’s truly,